Snuggies are by far, the dumbest blanket invention on the face of this planet. My theory of how they were invented is this: some guy, probably piss drunk, put a robe on backwards, and nearly shit his pants when he realized that he could make millions off of it. Thanks buddy. You really lowered the bar on intelligence.
“I don’t want my arms to get cold when I change the channel, or answer the phone.” FUCKING DEAL WITH IT PRICK. Who are you trying to kid anyway? No one’s gonna call you after you get a Snuggie. Everyone will hate you. And you shouldn’t have a TV either. You invested in a Snuggie. You don’t deserve nice things.
What is this shit where you have to walk around in it and go to sporting events? Can’t you just wear a jacket? If I saw someone at a sporting event with a Snuggie, I’d pelt them with everything I could get my hands on. You shouldn’t be in public either. On account of, everyone fucking hates your soul.
Buy a Snuggie, and be pelted with random objects! They should include that on the commercial, or the box. I can see it now. WARNING: May cause lack of friends, social standards, sex, and people skills. Wearing a Snuggie may cause death by rocks, bricks, or cars that just thought it’d be funny to hit someone wearing a Snuggie outside. Whatever. If you buy one, I don’t care. I’ll just hate you. And that doesn’t count as much.
Fire and ice condoms. ..Really? Why? The name alone should scare you. I mean, fire on your dick? Does that even sound the least bit appealing? Fuck no. How about ice? Do you want frost bite on your dick, too? Don’t think so. Anyone who uses the argument, “That’s what the fire part is for. To heat it back up.” SHUT UP. EVERYONE HATES YOU.
Personally, I don’t want the feeling of ice in, or around my vagina. That’s just weird. And, I surely don’t want fire near there either. Who came up with that stupid idea? “I’m just gonna put this lighter near my penis and see if it feels good. Ow, okay let’s see if this ice cools down the heat. Ow, too cold.” You’re fucking retarded. And clearly a masochist. How at all does that liven up your sex life? Granted I don’t have one of my own. But I sure as hell won’t be using fire or ice to make it better. What’s next? Barbed wire and soda? “I like the fizzy feeling from soda, followed by the stabbing and tearing of the barbed wire.” Sounds stupid doesn’t it? Well so does fire and ice.
Okay well have fun burning yourselves. I’ll be here laughing at you.
This one’s gonna be personal. It explains a lot about the way I am, and the person I’ve become.
When eight people in my family died in the span of seven months, I’d say that was enough to change my outlook and my personality. It was a hard slap in the face, basically telling me that life is too short to waste it on the bull shit. Find people that are really worth your attention. If someone is wasting your time by being a bitch, or treating you like trash, fuck em. You probably don’t need them anyway.
I’m not heavy into ‘everything happens for a reason’. Nor am I into religion. If there were a God, who claims he helps people get through their hardships, then there wouldn’t be hardships at all would there?“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?” - Epicurus. Sums it up perfectly.
Plastering on a fake smile takes a lot, especially when you have nothing to smile about. Not to be a downer here, but 99% of the time this is how I live my life day to day. What’s there to smile about. Yeah, I’m grateful I’m alive and healthy, and for all the nice things I have. But in this pit of nice things, being alive and healthy, there is nothing. I’m the only person standing in it. See the problem?
Everyone is a constant let down. No one is reliable. I have no expectations for anyone ever, because of constant disappointment in the past. I did too much for people and get nothing back. Inevitably, I stopped expecting anything in return a long time ago. So I’ll still go out of my way to make someone smile, or make someone feel better. But don’t feel obligated to do the same for me. And I’m being completely serious. If you want to, go ahead. I’ll appreciate it. If you don’t, it’s not going to bother me. I’m used to it.
People change. It’s life. It’s expected. A lot of people changed into absolute pricks and douche bags. A lot too many. Me being the person I am, I’m not going to judge you on the person you’ve become. I’m not going to judge you period. I’m not the type. But I’ve seen too many of my former friends turn into something they never used to be, and began mistreating everyone they used to care about. I figure this: you can change your looks, your personality, your opinions, thoughts, actions, words, anything you want. It’s your life. But if you completely forget the people who were always around when you needed them the most, and you begin treating them like garbage and worthless pieces of shit, then fuck your shit and get the fuck out. 0 tolerance bull shit zone. I’ve drawn the line. Pick a side.
The whole point of this was just to inform the curious wee ones the reasons why I am the way I am. And if you don’t care, then I don’t care. See how that works?